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Satan “Hesitant” To Endorse Trump

It can now be revealed that renowned “Gonzo” journalist, Hunter S. Thompson, who died on February 5, 2005, hasn’t just been resting in peace. He has been secretly working to land the biggest interview of his afterlife, the Angel Of Darkness Himself, Satan.

Thompson says he made the pitch to write a story on the Evil Spirt right off the bat, as soon as he entered Purgatory. “They bought the idea and had me pitch it to Satan myself,” says Thompson. “I told Satan I was a journalist and and was interested in the unvarnished truth of his existence. To my surprise, the King Of Hell was thrilled. I’ve been in Hell ever since.”

Spending the better part of two decades with the Evil Spirit took its toll on the author. “Obviously, it was a lot more difficult than spending a year with the Hell’s Angels,” writes Thompson. “Looking back at that experience now, I realize they were relatively tame. Spending time in Hell for this story was extraordinarily challenging. Gut wrenching actually. Literally! A few times a day. It was a very emotional experience.”

Thompson had planned on spending a few hundred years embedded in the Underworld doing his research, but felt the need to cut short the project – and the constant torture – to break some news and reveal Satan’s views on the upcoming election.

“First of all, I’d be damned if the selling your soul thing wasn’t real. But there are far fewer than you could imagine. There’s a shelf with canning jars full of ‘Purchased Souls.’ Most of the ones I saw were politicians and Fox News anchors,” says Thompson. As for the coming election, all I can say at this point is that Satan is endorsing President Of Vice Donald Trump. But he is a little torn about how to make it public because he’s worried about how that will play in the media,” explains Thompson, adding, “He knows the Souls he’s purchased will do their part, but it’s the stubborn ones that refuse to sell their souls that worry him. He’s betting that if he can make the President Of Vice victorious on November 3, the holdout journalists and polititans will then find it easy to make the deal with the Devil.”

Back in Purgatory, now, Thompson hopes to learn his Eternal fate soon. “I believe I’ve paid my dues the last fifteen years and I’m ready to see what the other place has going for it. I’ve already pitched the idea of a story on Richard Nixon, who I hear — surprisingly enough, is in Heaven.”

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