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Ted Cruz Goes To Cancun To Help Texas

Senator Ted Cruz is spitting mad at Texans.

After accompanying his wife and daughter to Mexico to act as their bodyguard to protect them from Mexicans with problems, the robbers and the rapists, Cruz heard that Texans are angry that he left them during a time of crises.

“I only went to protect my family from all the bad Mexicans. Everyone knows the “ugly American” tourists are a huge target. Heidi gets hassled whenever she travels. Especially to Florida and Mar-a-Lago. There are truly some bad hombres there.

“What was I going to do in Texas anyway? I don’t even own a shovel.” I’m very upset with Texans for not defending me. What do they expect? I came to Cancun to bring back drinking water for Texas, so STFU. Don’t mess with me and don’t mess with Texas.”

Meanwhile, back in Cruzes hometown, Bernie Sanders flew in to help battle the storm. He said he was holding a sit-in until Cruz returned.

“The main problem in America is that you’re seeing some elite people take vacations in Cancun when their home state of Texas is experiencing a 100 year storm due to climate change. Most average Texans are out of power and water. They can’t afford trips to the top vacation resorts in the world when the pipes in their homes are bursting and the water isn’t safe to drink.”

“I know Cruz went to Mexico for the drinking water, and I advise him to drink up!” said the Senator from his folding chair.

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